Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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