She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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