just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
