Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
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