The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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