The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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