Screwed.edu
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize