what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
