honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
