Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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