I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
