4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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