It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
