i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
