I looked at my own cervix.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
