I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
