We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
