someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I didn't notice because vodka
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
