Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize