Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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