You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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