K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
