I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
