Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
