took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
