When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I need a beard to bite.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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