she woke up with a sticky ear
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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