i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
