Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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