i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
