I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
