Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
