is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
