Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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