I think I died a long time ago.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
We had sex on a dog bed..
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
