Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
