Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
