and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
