i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
