Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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