Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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