I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
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Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
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And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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