he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
