Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize