Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
