he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
