guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
