Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
