why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
