mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
