I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
