Where did you get a picture of my penis
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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