You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Randomize