Where is the hickey?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
