think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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