My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
