Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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