You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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