i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
