The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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