The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I can't put those talents on a resume
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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