you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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