Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
